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A Frostfell Carol
| }} Book Text "A Frostfell Carol" Being the tale of Mergott Mizzlefig McScroogle's Corporation and its impact on the holiday of Frostfell throughout Norrath. PREFACE I HAVE endeavored in the Ghostly little book, to explain why Frostfell should be the most profitable of seasons. May it haunt the houses of those who read it with a desire to earn a living, honest or otherwise. Your faithful Friend and Servant, M.M.M. STAVE I: Those Annoying Frostfellians For the past twenty years, the Frostfell elves and Fae have endeavored to change me. At first, their visitations during Frostfell did indeed give me pause. I considered their message of charity toward others and harmony to all living beings. And yet, there is no profit in living this way. Why should I give away the hard-earned coins within my grasp to someone else? And truly, the loss of sleep on the night of these Frostfell visits was harming me for the work at hand. Profit! Yes, profit! And soon enough, even the Frostfell folk, those merry and capering fools, learned the cost of maintaining these annual Frostfell visitations upon others. For soon, they replaced the actual ghosts of my associates with cheaper imitations due to budgetary constraints. Their decision led me to finding a way of my own to allow myself a night of sweet, uninterrupted repose. Using my skills and the backbones of my own cheap laborers, I discovered a way to allow somone else to take on the task of attending to these Ghosts on my behalf, for next to nothing. Ka-ching. STAVE II: The First of the Three Ghosts And so, in my stead, someone else was forced to live through the events that supposedly shaped my past. Alas, my business partner Marlon, whose specter troubled me the most, for I owed him some plat and do not want to repay it. In some years, the Frostfell elves would present Lani Cogspinner, my ex-girlfriend whose ghost is available more cheaply than she ever was in life. At other times, I have had to endure a Gigglegibber impersonating my father. They so annoy me. Comes now Gwenda Gurgley Gigglegibber, the Ghost of Frostfell Past and waste of breathable air. This time, it is Lani Cogspinner's tale of misplaced woe that we must endure. Does no one realize that this chatty little flizgig DUMPED ME on Feast Day? Why do the Frostfell elves and Fae feel that this apparation would move me to change my ways? I enjoy seeing her again, though, as it gives me enormous pleasure to remember how much I had saved thtough the years by not having her drain my bank accounts for the creams and potions she must surely need to stay presentable. Hah! STAVE III: The Second of the Three Ghosts Gergus Gigglegibber, Ghost of Frostfell Present, is not particulary bright. With the folds of his cloak huddle tho miserable young Gigglegibbers: Ignotanty and What, who had been accidentally sewn into the garment's lining. Ah, a visit to the home of Bobby Kritchat. A family of petulant losers if ever there was one, and Tiny Jim the most whiny of all! This is usually when the Gigglegibbers try to pile it on thick, having me clean house and do chores. Not this time! STAVE IV: The Last of the Ghosts A truly frightful apparition, Gilby Gigglegibber should really not wear that particular shade of red. This is the worst part of the whole visitation, for the Ghost of Frostfell Future does not take you into a warm, somewhat uncomfortable home. Instead, he drags you out to the middle of an icy valley and gives you no hint as to how to find the future. I've done this nineteen times bofore. But you, my friend...you are on your own. Just remember: there is a reward for finishing this task! Ka-ching! What's that? Oh...you want the key to the mystery? The secrets of the maze? I give you but one piece of advice: find a high point and gaze across the valley. The canyons of ice and snow are meant to confuse us. They are intended to show us that we must all make choicesin our lives that can lead us astray. The unrelenting sameness of each sparkling blue wall thrusting upwards from the snow like a blank slate is to show that we can each of us write our own story. It is annoying beyond words. Nineteen seasons, I've lost countless hours negotiating the maze. But no longer! For yes! We can all score the icy walls with the pathetic scribbles of our worthless lives! And to what purpose? What gain can be had in thise wretched exercise? Nothing but the loss of a night's sleep and the usual hourly wage! Pathetic! The Gigglegibbers wish me to learn that Frostfell is a time of giving and charity. Bah! The only thing giving should be shoppers giving me their hard-earned coin! The only charity should be buying only McScroogle Corporation goods and redistributing them to the poor! That is giving. That is charity. Ka-ching! STAVE V: The End of It. Ah, to wake the final morning of Frostfell fully-rested and full of energy! I throw open the window of my boudoir and exclaim to the butcher's boy who passes below: "You there! Boy! Yes, yes, I mean you, lad! What day is it?" "Today, sir? Why, it's Frostfell Day, sir!" I had not been bothered through the night, finally! A good rest does wonders for the spirit of someone long-used to being annoyed throughout the long watches of the night by frivolous Frostfellian do-gooders. And so, dear friend, I thank you for assisting me to this end. I, Mergott Mizzlefig McScroogle, appreciate your assistance this Frostfell season and reward you with not only this book that celebrates your adventure, but also a warm and seasonal Frostfell cloak! Which, might I add, was left over from a batch of poorly-cut fabric and comes at no cost to me. Therefore, you have not only given me the gift of rest, but also am taking off my hands something that is absolutely wothless to me but of potentially great value to you! This my friend, is the true message the McScroogle Corporation wishes to impart this Frostfell Season. Ka-ching!